Sunday, September 12, 2010

Kidnapped. Beaten and beyond - time to slay some dragons. © 2010 Dakini Verona

Kidnapped. Beaten…and beyond. © 2010 Dakini Verona
I have been putting outing off delving into some of the darkest and painful memories of my past because of fear. Fear of unleashing the monsters lurking within. They have been trapped within the deep crevices of my mind, out of reach from conscious thought for so very long. I know I must release them. They haunt me from beyond the shadows. I pray that once they are purged from my mind, it will somehow cleanse my soul. Even if only a little, it will be worth it.  

Why do we (victims) walk around thinking we have done wrong? Why do we wear the acts against us in shame like a scarlet letter? Shouldn’t the guilty be the ones to suffer for their crimes? You would think so. However, society has led us to believe that we are responsible for all choices we make. Even those made as innocents. Even those we were led to make at the coercion of evil doers. Yes, even some that we made as naive children.

Once a decision leads you into a mistake – leads you into harm’s way, there is no way to erase the damage. The invisible scars are etched on your soul forever. You are no longer capable of making the right choices and are often led a recurring path through the darkness, with an insatiable appetite for destruction.

Dare I uncover those deep dark secrets? Dare I release the demons? Am I afraid of letting go for fear that my soul will be empty once purged? Or, am I afraid that the demons will take over my soul? I don’t know what will be worse, to keep them or let them go.

There is something inside urging me to press on. To walk through the fire to help me overcome those fears. I must look back, once and for all and come face to face with those demons so that I can conquer them and move on.

the full story and more have been published in my book

Memoirs of Dakini


  1. “Why do we (victims) walk around thinking we have done wrong?”

    Well, if you were told to say nothing, then how could you avoid feeling shame since it feels like you were the one who did bad. Why be quiet or say nothing if you are innocent, right? In fact, most of the world tells us to say nothing of what is done to us against the law. I know rape victims of doctors who are not allowed to say they were raped and name names! Why? Law protects people from prosecution and loss of rights from breaking the law without good proof. But it should not protect them from having their character exposed by such testimony. From this, there should be no protection.

    Anything that happens to us should have total protection and freedom of speech and publicity. But being told to shut up or be sued or jailed, victims are raped or whatever a 2nd time. The system is the problem and what a problem it is. We protect guilty professionals while condemning victims to silence and shame. Tell me, what is wrong with that?

    We are told its our fault because those telling us are nasty and mean and also know better but do not do better. We got to stop blaming the innocent because they are innocent. Those hurt or harmed and who lost their innocence often like to destroy it in others. You have chosen not to do this. Thank you! It is those on power who love to promote more harm. They do this because they create lots of harm and want to cover it up. So its all your fault now, you know. Those in power did nothing, right?

    I love what you have done. But I am also going to challenge you to go one more step higher. Recognize that what has happened to you was not an accident. It is carefully contrived to cover up harm and evil. You know the harm and evil. I will try to point out the cover-up, if allowed and if you dare.

    Everything you describe such as “You are no longer capable of making the right choices and are often led a recurring path through the darkness, with an insatiable appetite for destruction.”

    Exactly! You understand it all very well. And the next as well:

    “There is something inside urging me to press on.”

  2. Although this path has been a dark and dreary one, I know that it was not in vain.. I believe that I was led on that path so that I may shed light for others unable to do so for themselves. I have been touched by those that contact me after reading my story.. people that open up to me about how they were victimized. I know that there is a higher purpose and I welcome the challenge.